PRE PLANNED LOVE

and you came.

with a thought in mind. a plot in mind.

i took you in.

with my arms wide open.

but little did i know.

that it was not love that you held me with.

that it was not care you felt me with.

but it was a pre planned motive.

a pre planned love.

a love that demanded my love.

a love that suited your life.

a life around yourself. noone else

it's when i say...

its when i say i don't care
that i realise
how much of me is you.

its when i say forget it
that i realise
how all my egos are suppressed when it comes to you.

its when i say i hate you
that i realise
how to hate someone you must love them too much.

its when i say its over
that i realise
how impossible its going to be to put an end to us.

its when i say miss you
that i realise
how time seems static without you.

its when i say take care
that i realise
how much i wannna take care of you.

its when i say i love you
that i realise
how insufficient words are.

but its when i dont say.... that you know what i mean better.

religion - deciphering the deal

The chambers dictionary defines ‘religion’ as “a strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny”. Interestingly, ‘human destiny’ and ‘supernatural powers’ are still concepts that remain highly personal and inexplicable. Though the definition given by the dictionary seems a fitting one,’ how much of it is what religion actually is? Or rather has become?’ is a thought that none spare a time to.
Till today, religion is a territory that man has not been able to explain, understand completely. Yet astonishingly, populations are divided, wars are fought, countries are born and businesses flourish solely with religion as a reason. This complex appendage of a person’s mental being shapes his routine, his nature, his social circle.
On the path of trying to decipher what religion is, one skips and tumbles while trying to patch the discrepancy between what exactly religion is and what religion is understood to be. Interpretations have evolved over the years. For the good or bad? That’s for one’s personal understanding.
So going by the common belief that religion is believing in the ‘super natural power’ to determine our destiny, completely discards the possibility of man making his destiny solely through his efforts. Weren’t religion and the concept of god brought merely to help people console themselves in times of trouble? So how does one seek consolation in the same god during times of trouble, where the trouble itself is caused due to the conflicts of religion?
History mortifies itself by revealing various riots that have taken place over the years, with religion as the main source of conflict. People have killed each other merely on the difference in religion. Thus, religion just makes one view another human being superficially. The real person with feelings, with mental opinions etc., is just overlooked. One singles himself out from a group of people merely on their religious beliefs and fails to even attempt to connect in any other way. The very fact that countries have been divided on the basis of religion rather than just geographic divisions itself reveals the intense controlling power of religion.
Rituals are an integral part of religion. It has taken the belief in supernatural powers a little away from religion and brought in the concept of being ‘religiously right’. Now, the emphasis is all about praying ‘the right way’, making the ‘right’ sacrifices, saying the ‘right’ prayers, giving the ‘right’ offerings and so on and so forth. So who decides what is ‘right’? Well, looking at the current scenario, the ‘right’ of everything is decided by the people who have the religious power in hand and also, who can reap an ‘understandable’ economic gain from it. Also, the various businesses that have flourished to support the religious practices have a significant place in the decision making. The very form of decision making is not direct. It spreads in the form of rumours and stories that have a quality of ‘confession from god’s friend’. Who has been with god to express the facts on his likings and disliking is a mystery that is yet to be deciphered. Various festivals that are merely celebrations of common belief, have now become more of a status issue. The grandeur of religious practices seems to be anointed to the depth in a particular faith. Thus, now it seems that the more stringent the rituals re performed, the more effective the prayer is going to be. So for those who have limited resources in meeting particular standards of flamboyance, fulfilling their prayers seems to be another prayer.
On a personal note, religion seems a very individual thought. It is more about how people wish to connect with a figure they can trust sub consciously. It’s that figure that can move them in times of trouble and to whom they willingly give up their credit on any effort. Whichever form it may be in, whichever name it has how many ever figures they can trust, it still remains a highly personal feeling. It may be influenced by the surrounding and the people they trust but however after a period of understanding life, one easily chooses the religion that he can connect with. How one wishes to connect with god is determined by his comfort level. So if there are such high levels of personal involvement in the faith one has in god, then how can the faith of many be clubbed into one stream and name it a particular religion? It is quite difficult to understand how rituals, passed on for years, help one in establishing a comfort level with the supernatural power. Then, it becomes more of a concept of the individual conditioning himself to be comfortable with a particular pattern of praying rather than what his comfort levels demand.
Finally, accepting the complex nature of religion and faith like in the past, man continues to pray, believe and have faith in the super natural in spite of its evolution throughout the years.

till that day of regret...

you came into my life from nowhere. i invited you with trust... with care. i accepted you with love and believed in our so called life together.

you began to occupy a major part of my life... i began to feel that your absence would leave me incomplete.i wanted you.... i needed you.

we spent days together...that ran into memorable months. we invested in memories that would help me... or maybe destroy completely.

you said yesterday-
there will be a day when we wont have a tomorrow.
there will be a day when we know its the end.
there will be a day where we would have no future.

i listened to all of that...
my words drowned in tears...
or maybe i had nothing left to say.

i however wonder,
our future will remain..
only if you want it to exist.
only if you want it to happen.
maybe you dint.

so today...
i am still with you...
i am stepping into this bond with you...
a bond with a marked end.

the reasons are unknown...
maybe i'm not strong enough to give up...
maybe i'm not weak enough to go back...

whatever it is,
I KNOW I AM GOING TO REGRET THIS ONE DAY.

so here i am till that day of regret...
still in love with you- completely!

when i smile........

i smile... a lot.
everyone smiles too.
But sadly most of the times...people feel, its out of happiness.
i say- certainly not!

i smile... when i look at you, and i just cannot believe you are saying those things to me!
i smile... when i know you are lying, but you still won't say the truth!
i smile... when u do those really mean things, even though you know it hurts me!
i smile... when i want to yell at what you just did, but cant!
i smile... when i think of the fact that some things, some people never change!

i smile... when i look at your efforts to stop my tears!
i smile... when u don't mean what you are saying, but you still say it for me!

i smile... when i see you smile!

FATHER DEAR...

Father dear your unconditional love,
Is just so miraculously true.
There are no known bounds,
Of how much I treasure you.

Father dear I often think,
How ideal and impeccable you are.
And whenever I need you,
You are never too far.

Father dear I look up,
To your commendable success.
You also try to pamper me,
But never in excess.

Father dear I occasionally wish,
To advance your intellectual wit.
It is quite impossible,
But you taught me to never quit!

Father dear I admire,
Your every aspect of action.
I hope you know that my love,
Will not even part for a fraction!

Father dear I aspire,
To be someone just like you.
So considerate, clear & complete,
Forever so true.

Father dear you are one of a kind...
The best anyone can find!